have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
