Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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