Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
