I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
