Where are you?
In a non slutty way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
