I haven't been this sober since birth.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
