How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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