I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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