You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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