I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
