my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
