You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
