wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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