The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
