Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
420 ftw
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
