he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
