That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
