so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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