im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
