Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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