i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
