So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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