so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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