i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
