Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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