my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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