my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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