anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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