Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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