woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
