Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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