If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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