hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
