I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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