Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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