I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
