Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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