Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
