I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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