a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
