Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
