You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
