i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
