The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
