I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
