you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
