My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
