yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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