You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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