just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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