I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
