Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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