I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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