I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
