nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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