that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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