its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize