I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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