call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
