ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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