Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
