Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
