I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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