being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm at about main and main street
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
