Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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