Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
3pm strippers are depressing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
