Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
