so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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