it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
