I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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