It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize