I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
