I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
