i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
