My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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