I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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