I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
