We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
